how to lose a guy in 10 minutes

my friend inspired me to do this post while we were studying last night at a coffee shop. i think i share a dream with many girls when i say that a coffee shop would be an ideal place to meet a guy. you might bond over your identical order of a medium americano with milk or you might notice that he's reading the latest augusten burroughs, which you read just last week, and strike up conversation. on the other hand, you can coyly give him glances for weeks and will him to walk over and talk to you (laame). since coffee shop romances are so rare, i recommend that you act fast & furious when you spot a keeper, because who knows when this kind of opportunity will strike next?

today's post will be dedicated to maneuvers that will definitely catch his eye, but maybe not in the best way. ladies, take note. this is: how to lose a guy in 10 minutes.

- walk by his table and 'accidentally' spill his super hot drink all over him. it may be an excuse to talk to him and 'pat him dry' (yeah, i know your real intentions), but in the end, he will still be pissed that he just wasted $4 and be left with a 2nd degree burn.

- catch his eye and rip open your splenda packet with your teeth. not only does this move look a little butch, but slightly feral. you also run the risk of having splenda explode in your face. not sexy, ok?

- take really noticeable pictures of him with your phone (works best if you are sitting at the table next to him). make sure the sound is on (so he can hear the shutter) and bonus points if the flash goes off. then call your friend and say really loudly 'i just changed my phone wallpaper to the hottest picture. he didn't even know i was taking it, i swear!'.

- if your cutie is sitting in a window seat, run outside, blow some hot air on the window next to him and etch a heart with 'u + me' inside of it with your finger. he will probably end up switching seats or cafés.

- go sit at his table (even if most of the place is empty), directly across from him, and do not say a word. study, text, sip your coffee quietly but do not acknowledge his presence. if he gets up to leave, say 'who just leaves in the middle of a date??'

- if he is sitting near the toilets, go to the bathroom and sit in there for a good 10 minutes. come out, make a beeline for him and whisper 'do you happen to have a plunger?'

- take a black sharpie out of your pencil case, colour in one or two of your teeth and when you catch his eye, give him a bright big smile.


and if you're maybe too shy to approach your fella, use the site likealittle.com, something i only discovered 2 days ago but it's quickly becoming my no. 1 time waster. it's like missed connections on craigslist, but specific to your school. the link i posted is for mcgill, but i'm pretty sure you can find networks for other universities.

listening to: dimmer- bishop allen